Inspirational Blogger Award

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Wow, thank you so much Into the Forgotten for nominating me for the Very Inspiring Blogger Award. What a great award! I’m truly honored that you chose to nominate me. My main goal when I began blogging was to gain inspiration and to inspire others so to be nominated for the Very Inspiring Blogger Award is just amazing. Sorry it took me so long to post this. Thank you!

 Rules:

  • Thank the blogger who nominated you.
  • List the rules and display the award.
  • Share seven facts about yourself.
  • Nominate other amazing blogs and comment on their blog to let them know you nominated them.

 Facts about me

  1. When I was younger, I was scared of my reflection. At one point this fear got so bad that I had to cover all the mirrors in my room.
  2. I only eat the red colored jelly beans.
  3. My biggest fear is going insane.
  4. I hate having texting conversations because not being able to see the face of the person I’m talking to makes me anxious.
  5. In secondary school my friend pushed me and I broke both of my wrists. I’ve never broken any other bones but ever since I’ve had a fear of breaking my wrists again.
  6. I’ve been white water kayaking twice, in Glacier National park in Montana, and in Maine.
  7. On vacation in Alaska I came within a few feet of a bear. I was too shocked at the time to be scared.

Nominations
In no particular order, here are some blogs that I’ve been really enjoying recently and that I’ve been finding a lot of inspiration from.

Mister NorCal
The Simple Beginner
A Place called Infinity
Reaching Joy
Sherinaspeaks
Stumbling For Balance
Random Writing

Writer’s Block

Black ink meets white paper but the words won’t flow. I stare at the page in front of me. My hands, frozen. I can’t write, I can’t think, I can’t see. My mind becomes the white of the page. A white noise, a white world, and a white taste that lingers on the tip of my tongue threatening to sweep me away in a wave of white. The words stumble and trip out of my mind, broken and messy, spilling out onto the page in fractured sentences and incoherent thoughts. The once neat lines of script turn into a sloppy storm of black characters, marching their way to madness across the page and through my head. The white walls of the page crush down on me and the words fall lifeless at my fingertips as the sentences fail to form properly and my mind runs thick like syrup.

I sink further and further into the sickly, sweetness of nostalgia and I stop fighting the oncoming waves, instead facing them with open arms and letting them whisk me further out to sea, and as I give up desperately fishing for the next verse, the letters swim into words and sentences and paragraphs and when I look up from my daze the once blank paper in front of me is now filled with ink dancing and winding its way around the whiteness. A weight lifts and the white walls retreat, leaving only the thoughts that now flow in a steady stream from my fingertips. Black ink once again meets white paper but this time I do not stutter, instead I write.

Faded Gray Lives

IMG_3869My favorite color is gray. Gray, like the mist that rolls into the hills and settles down outside my window on cold foggy days. Gray is the color of hazy shapes and blurred vision, of people feeling their way aimlessly through familiar landscapes that unexpectedly transformed into strange, unknown territories sometime during the night.

Gray was the color of his eyes in the wintertime when the bright blue faded away. His eyes were the color of regret and boredom after he realized something that was once there had been lost, something that no one noticed until it was gone, a spark, and with it gone, so was he.

Gray is the avoidance of conflict, the color of opinion and disagreement, of hard choices and negotiation, of understanding that the line between right and wrong is blurred and crooked and trampled by mistakes and missteps and misfortunes.

Gray is the color of raw emotion and painful numbness and water as it flows over rocks washing away the dirt and filth that builds up over time. Gray is the color of the sky and the ground and the backs of my eyelids. It is the color I see, the color I hear, the color I feel and as I make my way though this gray existence, I am reminded of dusty gray houses and low hanging skies, of winding asphalt roads and faded gray lives.

The Act of Falling

It’s easy to fall. It starts slow, with a slip or a misstep, and then a stumble, and I try to catch myself but I lose my footing and the ground crumbles out from under me and I’m falling. It comes to the point when I don’t recognize myself in the mirror anymore. My actions and words are foreign and I watch as I spiral further down, trying desperately not to lose control, but the more I fight back, the more tangled I become, and I’m caught, running like a fool in a maze with no end.

It’s easy to fall, and once falling, it’s hard to stop. It’s hard to climb and scratch and claw my way back to the surface and I don’t want to, until I’m sitting at the bottom of a hole I dug myself into looking up at what once was but isn’t anymore. I realize I like falling. I like the feeling of recklessness and impulsive decisions, until I see my reflection in the eyes of a friend, or a family member, or a kind stranger, and what I see is not me.

It’s easy to fall, it’s the impact that hurts the most. The moment when I hit the bottom, when I look around and see the mess I’ve made and the people I’ve dislodged and brought crashing down with me as I haphazardly grabbed at anything that I thought would make the landing more bearable. But the landing was not more bearable and I realize I can’t fall anymore, but I’ve said that before and I’ll say it again, and I falter and hesitate as I pick myself up off the ground watching the sunrise as it sheds new light on my existence and in this instant, all is right in the world.


In response to the Daily Post’s Prompt: Easy Fix.

A Man in a Hat

Pleased to Meet You: Write a post in which the protagonists of two different books or movies meet for the first time. How do they react to each other? Do they get along?


Dear friend,

My cheeks are red from being outside but I’m not outside anymore and I’m not sure when I came in. I’m sitting in the corner of the room watching things move. Everything moves slow, so slow it disappears. I can’t keep track of them anymore. A man in a hat was sitting with me but then he wasn’t and now he is again. I don’t look at him just in case he’s not really there. I’m afraid he’s not really there.

“Are you Alice?”, the man in the hat asks. It’s funny that he would ask that because Alice is a girl’s name and I’m not a girl.

“No, I’m Charlie. You’re not real, the dragon outside wasn’t real either. Am I going mad?”

“We’re all mad here, Alice.”, the man in the hat says smiling. Then he disappears and I’m walking now but I don’t remember getting up. I remember not wanting to be in the house anymore with Sam and Craig and Patrick and Brad in the other rooms, and the walls were too thin so I left but it’s cold outside.

I wonder where the man in the hat went.

Love always,
Charlie

 


Characters are Charlie from the Perks of Being a Wallflower and the Mad Hatter from Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland. Loosely based on the scene in the Perks of Being a Wallflower in which Charlie is given something that causes him to hallucinate.

 

Versatile Blogger Award

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Thank you so much Into the Forgotten for nominating me for the Versatile Blogger Award! I love your blog and am honored that you chose to nominate me! Thank You!!

Okay so here are the rules:

  • Show the award on your blog.
  • Thank the person who nominated you.
  • Share 7 facts about yourself.
  • Nominate 15 blogs.
  • Link your nominees’ blogs and let them know.

Facts about me:

  1. When I’m stressed, I like to bind books. Because of this hobby all my friends get handmade sketchbooks or notebooks as gifts.
  2. Alice in Wonderland is my favorite book and I collect copies of it from used book stores.
  3. I’ve been a vegetarian since middle school. I stopped eating meat on a dare and continued to be a vegetarian after the dare was over.
  4. My top three bucket list items are to go sky diving, learn to fly a plane, and hike the Appalachian Trail.
  5. When I was younger, I was scared of people to the point where I would only watch animated films because I was scared of the actors and actresses in movies.
  6. I love watching sad films but I always cry in the happy parts instead of the sad parts. I have no idea why this is.
  7. I had a lot of trouble coming up with this list because I don’t think I’m a very interesting person.

My nominees, in no particular order:
The following nominees are my all time favorite blogs. They are inspirational, funny, talented, etc. and I always enjoy seeing what they post.

Drawing the Street
Science, Books and Silly Things
In Pursuit of Contentment
Lydia Ravenhall Photography Blog
Jpabloz
Huevos Fritos
Thirsty for Travel
Janes Patisserie
Allychat’s Blog
The Loving Llama
An Insight into Interactive Art
Sue Clancy
V.Clean
Loaf Story
Just Another Impurity

An Isolated Eternity

She looked at him. She stared for an isolated eternity squeezed into a fleeting moment until he met her gaze and she looked away, breaking the eternity and resuming a dull reality.

He was everything to her, and that was frightening. To trust, so freely, another human being was maddening when she knew the ending to every story lay in abandonment, in heartache, in pain, in solitude. She had experienced it. She had felt the sting of misplaced trust, but for now she pushed those feelings aside into the dark most corners of her mind.

For now, she was infatuated with a boy. A boy who made her laugh until she couldn’t breath, who made her cry because she knew he would leave. A boy whose words crept into every corner of her mind and drove her mad. A boy whose flaws shaped and molded a new definition of perfection in her eyes. And to her, he was a sunrise, promising to shed a new light onto her existence. The light that would keep her afloat until the nightfall when she would be plunged back into darkness darker than anything she could remember from before he came into her world.

She memorized the movement of his hands when he talked and the freckles that dotted his face. She knew his crooked smile and the color of his eyes. She knew him, and she was caught. Caught in his game of cruel consideration that threatened to sweep over her like a wave and pull her under and as he glanced away from her, she looked back at him.


In response to the Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Connect the Dots“.

Open your nearest book to page 82. Take the third full sentence on the page, and work it into a post somehow.

In Bright Lights Live Dark Minds

In these bright lights live darkened minds,
They leave their black flowers behind.
Protruding ribs meet collar bones,
Storm clouds reside inside my lungs.

Paper cheeks and cold stone eyes,
The telltale signs we cannot hide.
The boys whose names have been left out,
The lies that fell from open mouths.

Spider webs like battle scars,
Shoot loving daggers through the heart.
Beauty takes a leap of faith,
In hopeless search for fresh escape.

I am drawn to that which seems,
Will be the certain death of me.

Hannah Haynes

Come Undone

i lose myself in pain, and discomfort, and the seconds right before i fall when time stands still. i lose myself in the moments when i’m at the edge looking down and nothing is standing between me and the exit, when my knees shudder and my stomach lurches and i feel my mind go numb and in these moments i come undone.

i find myself in the pockets of calm, in the moment after the chaos, when i’ve stood right at the edge and not gone over. i find myself in the light after the storm when the pressure subsides and everything is cast with a new shade of gold. i find myself in the emotions that wash away the numbness, in the beauty i see when the anxiety dies down, in the promise of tomorrow and the day after that. i find myself in the forsaken footsteps i left behind when i  ran from the future, and in the forgotten memories and faded words and in these moments i come undone.


side note: recently i’ve been listening to adam barnes obsessively on repeat. i love his music and was inspired by his song “come undone” to write this post about what coming undone means to me.

spotify:track:77Kbe06qJeXY43KY25AFte

Healthy Advice From a Foodie

non-fat greek yogurt with honey, granola, and berries

non-fat greek yogurt with honey, granola, and berries

i love food. i connect deeply with the new weight watchers commercial which states the solution to any mood problem is to have a snack. i really do try to stay as healthy as i can but there’s no escaping the fact; i love my food. i was the girl who grew up reading cookbooks instead of fairy tales. i’m not joking, i used to ask my mother to read me a recipe before going to bed instead of a story. so it made sense that at a young age, i started cooking. even to this day, i still have a fascination over food but because of my recent loss of my childhood metabolism, i’ve had to readjust my habits.

here are a few of my favorite tricks to staying more or less healthy despite lacking any form of self-control when it comes to eating.

  1. if you don’t buy it, you won’t eat it. this is probably the most important step to eating healthier and the one i struggle with the most, but if you’re anything like me and can’t resist snacking at random times in the day, keeping your kitchen junk food free is a good first step to healthier eating. if you find yourself too tempted to buy junk food in the store, try shopping with a grocery list. if you’re shopping for specific items that you need, you’ll be less likely to indulge on the unneeded items that you want.
  2. rethink your snacks. instead of munching on a bag of chips try getting in the habit of snacking on vegetables. one of my favorite snacks is frozen peas. i know it sounds strange but they’re oddly satisfying. if this doesn’t appeal to you, try some of the more typical snacks like carrots or celery with a bit of peanut butter or hummus.
  3. know what’s in your food. with all the processed food and prepared meals in food markets today it can be hard to know what’s actually going into your body. buying organic food is great but can get expensive. another way to know what’s in your food is to simply make it yourself. by doing this you can make small changes to recipes by substituting in healthier options.
  4. use a small plate. it’s a small change but by using a smaller plate, you’ll be able to avoid accidentally eating oversized portions and you’ll naturally start eating less.
  5. drink water. try to avoid drinking your calories through sodas and juices. if you get bored with plain water try flavored sparkling water or tea.

growing up i really didn’t see the benefits of a healthy lifestyle but now i look back in horror at some of the meals i would eat as a kid. maintaining healthy eating habits has not only improved my health but has also improved my mentality. i’m able to do more than i was ever able to do before. leading a healthier life style has definitely been rewarding for me and i hope you will find it rewarding as well.

good luck!