Faded Gray Lives

IMG_3869My favorite color is gray. Gray, like the mist that rolls into the hills and settles down outside my window on cold foggy days. Gray is the color of hazy shapes and blurred vision, of people feeling their way aimlessly through familiar landscapes that unexpectedly transformed into strange, unknown territories sometime during the night.

Gray was the color of his eyes in the wintertime when the bright blue faded away. His eyes were the color of regret and boredom after he realized something that was once there had been lost, something that no one noticed until it was gone, a spark, and with it gone, so was he.

Gray is the avoidance of conflict, the color of opinion and disagreement, of hard choices and negotiation, of understanding that the line between right and wrong is blurred and crooked and trampled by mistakes and missteps and misfortunes.

Gray is the color of raw emotion and painful numbness and water as it flows over rocks washing away the dirt and filth that builds up over time. Gray is the color of the sky and the ground and the backs of my eyelids. It is the color I see, the color I hear, the color I feel and as I make my way though this gray existence, I am reminded of dusty gray houses and low hanging skies, of winding asphalt roads and faded gray lives.

The Liebster Award

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Thank you so much Cheryle, writer of Lightwalkers Blog, for nominating me for the Liebster Award! I love your blog and I’ve been having so much fun reading your posts throughout the Blogging 101 course! I’m honored that you chose me to nominate! The idea of the Liebster Award is to help bring attention to less well-known blogs and those who are just starting out in the blogging world.

The Liebster Award Rules:

  • Thank and link the person who nominated you.
  • Answer the questions given by the nominator.
  • Nominate 11 other bloggers, who have less than 200 followers and link them.
  • Create 11 new questions for the nominees to answer.
  • Notify all nominees via social media/blogs.

Questions I was asked:

  1. What always makes you laugh? My friends. Even when I’m having an awful day, they always find a way to make me laugh.
  2. If you were a color, what color would you be? Grey.
  3. Where is your favorite place? My room. It’s the only place in my house where I can actually get anything done.
  4. How long have you been writing, blogging? I’ve been writing for as long as I can remember. I’ve been blogging for about a month now.
  5. Who do you look up to? My family and friends.
  6. What is your favorite and least favorite personality trait? My favorite is that I’m hard-working. My least favorite is that I’m quite timid and shy.
  7. What is your most difficult experience? I don’t think I’ve had any really difficult experiences in my life yet.. I guess that’s a good thing!
  8. What is your favorite word and why? Either existential or affliction. No real reason, I just like how they sound when I say them.
  9. Who would you be if you were a person in history? No one! I quite like being myself, couldn’t imagine being anyone else.
  10. What do you look for in a post or a blog? I don’t have a very long attention span (I’m working on lengthening it) so I look for shorter posts about people’s lives and opinions. I also really enjoy art and food blogs, especially ones with good photography. I can’t resist a food blog with tasty looking pictures.
  11. What has been the best piece of advice you have been given? To enjoy today because tomorrow isn’t promised.

Here are the blogs I nominate:
Amazing World of Mine
The Bubbly Bibliomanic
Insane Like You
Addicted to the Sweet Life
How to be Merri
Porporrina
Gour-Makin’ Me Crazy
Barefoot Global
The Real Atypical Italian Traveler
Plaintartsss

My Questions:

  1. Why do you blog?
  2. How did you come up with the name for your blog?
  3. Which of your blog posts are you most proud of and why?
  4. Do you believe in soul mates?
  5. If you could travel anywhere, where would it be?
  6. Are you a morning person or a night person?
  7. What is your favorite book and why?
  8. What are three things you want to do before you die?
  9. What is one piece of advice you wish someone had given you when you were younger?
  10. If you had the opportunity to switch lives with someone, would you take it? If so, who would it be?
  11. What is your definition of identity and what do you believe creates identity?

Breathing Smoke

I am a smoker because one day, a boy with brown hair and blue eyes sitting against a tree in the woods offered me a cigarette and I didn’t say no.

I am a smoker because smoking is more socially acceptable than cutting and I used to be a cutter.

I am a smoker because the smoke helps me breath, the smoke helps me think, the smoke helps me clear my head of all the clutter that builds up over time.

I am a smoker because the future terrifies me and painting my lungs black with disease seemed like a better option.

I am a smoker because I give in too easily to my emotions, to my old habits, to my private fears.

I am a smoker because enough will never be enough and letting go is never what it seems.


In response to the Daily Post’s prompt: Enough Is Enough

 

Sisterhood of the World Bloggers Award

Wow! Thank you so much, Into the Forgotten for nominating me for the Sisterhood of the World Bloggers Award! This award recognizes the unique voices of women bloggers around the world. I’m honored that you chose to nominate me for such a wonderful award!

Rules:

  • Thank the blogger who nominated you and link back to their site.
  • Put the award logo on your blog.
  • Answer the ten questions sent to you.
  • Nominate seven blogs.
  • Make a list of ten questions for your nominees.

Here are the ten questions I was sent:
These were actually so difficult to answer! I had to really think to answer a few of these.

  1. If you were musical instrument, what would it be and why? I think I would probably be a flute because I’m very shy around most people but I can be hyper and fast talking and thinking around certain friends.
  2. What is your guilty pleasure? I sometimes talk to myself or sing when I’m cooking and no one else is in the kitchen. I’m not sure if this counts as a guilty pleasure but it is definitely very awkward when someone walks in on me doing it…
  3. What is your favourite fictional world/universe? Wonderland, without a doubt.
  4. Why do you blog? Challenging question. There are a lot of different reasons why I blog. I think the biggest reasons is to find my voice.
  5. What is your favourite movie of all time and what’s so awesome about that movie? Ok, another hard question. I’m really not so picky about movies so I like almost any movie I watch. I think I’m going to have to say Breakfast at Tiffany’s because it is just such a classic, good hearted movie.
  6. What is one thing you wish were true but isn’t? I wish I wasn’t cynical. I’m working on it..
  7. If you could Apparate (that’s right, Harry Potter style) to one place on Earth in this very moment, where would it be? I’m actually very happy where I am, but I’ve always wanted to visit Japan so I’d probably go there, as long as it works both ways and would bring me back after…
  8. What is your life motto? Life won’t wait.
  9. Who is your inspiration in life? I’m inspired by people.. Of course I’m inspired by my friends and family but most of all I’m just inspired by the lives around me whether I know them or not. I find people’s actions and the unknown thoughts behind them intriguing.
  10. What is your current favourite novel and why? Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland has always been my favorite book because of its whimsical charm and underlying thoughtfulness.

Here are my nominees in no particular order:
Babbling C. Brooks
With All My Affection
Freedom, Birdie!
My Fangirl Universe
At Home with Arwen
Krystal Booth Fine Art
Lightwalkers Blog

My Questions for You: 

  1. What is your biggest fear and why?
  2. What are you motivated by?
  3. What was the last dream you remember?
  4. What is your favorite book and why?
  5. If you could sit down and have a conversation with anyone, dead or alive, who would it be?
  6. When you were younger, what did you want to be when you grew up? Do you still have that childhood dream?
  7. Do you have a bucket list? If so what are the top three items?
  8. If you could boost one of your five senses, which would it be and why?
  9. Would you rather die young, or live forever?
  10. What is your favorite thing about yourself?

The Act of Falling

It’s easy to fall. It starts slow, with a slip or a misstep, and then a stumble, and I try to catch myself but I lose my footing and the ground crumbles out from under me and I’m falling. It comes to the point when I don’t recognize myself in the mirror anymore. My actions and words are foreign and I watch as I spiral further down, trying desperately not to lose control, but the more I fight back, the more tangled I become, and I’m caught, running like a fool in a maze with no end.

It’s easy to fall, and once falling, it’s hard to stop. It’s hard to climb and scratch and claw my way back to the surface and I don’t want to, until I’m sitting at the bottom of a hole I dug myself into looking up at what once was but isn’t anymore. I realize I like falling. I like the feeling of recklessness and impulsive decisions, until I see my reflection in the eyes of a friend, or a family member, or a kind stranger, and what I see is not me.

It’s easy to fall, it’s the impact that hurts the most. The moment when I hit the bottom, when I look around and see the mess I’ve made and the people I’ve dislodged and brought crashing down with me as I haphazardly grabbed at anything that I thought would make the landing more bearable. But the landing was not more bearable and I realize I can’t fall anymore, but I’ve said that before and I’ll say it again, and I falter and hesitate as I pick myself up off the ground watching the sunrise as it sheds new light on my existence and in this instant, all is right in the world.


In response to the Daily Post’s Prompt: Easy Fix.

Apple Sauce Bread

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This recipe for apple sauce bread is super easy and delicious. I know, apple sauce bread? Sounds a little odd, but I promise the apple sauce just adds a little extra moisture to the bread giving it a soft, cake like texture. It pairs great with some after dinner tea or coffee and never last long in my house. Feel free to experiment with the ingredients. The chocolate chips and pecans can easily be substituted for other mix ins if you prefer.IMG_3592

This recipe makes 1 large loaf or you can split the batter between two mini 5 1/2″ x 3″ loaf pans like I’ve done. I line my loaf pans with parchment paper leaving a little extra to hang off the edges so that I can easily pull out the loafs once they’re baked.

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Apple Sauce Bread (makes 1 loaf)

you will need:

  • 1 cup all purpose flour
  • 1/2 cup bran flakes
  • 3/4 cup sugar
  • 1 teaspoon baking powder
  • 1/2 teaspoon of cinnamon
  • 1/4 teaspoon nutmeg
  • 2 eggs
  • 1/4 cup cooking oil
  • 1/2 cup chunky apple sauce
  • 1 mashed banana
  • 1/2 cup pecans
  • 1/2 cup chocolate chips

Directions:

Preheat the over to 350° and grease an 8″x4″ loaf pan.

Combine flour, bran flakes, sugar, baking powder, cinnamon, and nutmeg in a medium bowl.

Beat egg until frothy in a small bowl. then stir in oil, apple sauce and banana.

Pour wet ingredients over dry ingredients and stir. Mixture should be thick and lumpy.

Gently stir pecans and chocolate chips into the batter. Don’t over mix.

Pour batter into the pan and cook for 40-50 min. The bread is done when a toothpick inserted into the center comes out with a few moist crumbs clinging to it.

Cool before slicing.

Enjoy!

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A Man in a Hat

Pleased to Meet You: Write a post in which the protagonists of two different books or movies meet for the first time. How do they react to each other? Do they get along?


Dear friend,

My cheeks are red from being outside but I’m not outside anymore and I’m not sure when I came in. I’m sitting in the corner of the room watching things move. Everything moves slow, so slow it disappears. I can’t keep track of them anymore. A man in a hat was sitting with me but then he wasn’t and now he is again. I don’t look at him just in case he’s not really there. I’m afraid he’s not really there.

“Are you Alice?”, the man in the hat asks. It’s funny that he would ask that because Alice is a girl’s name and I’m not a girl.

“No, I’m Charlie. You’re not real, the dragon outside wasn’t real either. Am I going mad?”

“We’re all mad here, Alice.”, the man in the hat says smiling. Then he disappears and I’m walking now but I don’t remember getting up. I remember not wanting to be in the house anymore with Sam and Craig and Patrick and Brad in the other rooms, and the walls were too thin so I left but it’s cold outside.

I wonder where the man in the hat went.

Love always,
Charlie

 


Characters are Charlie from the Perks of Being a Wallflower and the Mad Hatter from Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland. Loosely based on the scene in the Perks of Being a Wallflower in which Charlie is given something that causes him to hallucinate.

 

Versatile Blogger Award

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Thank you so much Into the Forgotten for nominating me for the Versatile Blogger Award! I love your blog and am honored that you chose to nominate me! Thank You!!

Okay so here are the rules:

  • Show the award on your blog.
  • Thank the person who nominated you.
  • Share 7 facts about yourself.
  • Nominate 15 blogs.
  • Link your nominees’ blogs and let them know.

Facts about me:

  1. When I’m stressed, I like to bind books. Because of this hobby all my friends get handmade sketchbooks or notebooks as gifts.
  2. Alice in Wonderland is my favorite book and I collect copies of it from used book stores.
  3. I’ve been a vegetarian since middle school. I stopped eating meat on a dare and continued to be a vegetarian after the dare was over.
  4. My top three bucket list items are to go sky diving, learn to fly a plane, and hike the Appalachian Trail.
  5. When I was younger, I was scared of people to the point where I would only watch animated films because I was scared of the actors and actresses in movies.
  6. I love watching sad films but I always cry in the happy parts instead of the sad parts. I have no idea why this is.
  7. I had a lot of trouble coming up with this list because I don’t think I’m a very interesting person.

My nominees, in no particular order:
The following nominees are my all time favorite blogs. They are inspirational, funny, talented, etc. and I always enjoy seeing what they post.

Drawing the Street
Science, Books and Silly Things
In Pursuit of Contentment
Lydia Ravenhall Photography Blog
Jpabloz
Huevos Fritos
Thirsty for Travel
Janes Patisserie
Allychat’s Blog
The Loving Llama
An Insight into Interactive Art
Sue Clancy
V.Clean
Loaf Story
Just Another Impurity

An Isolated Eternity

She looked at him. She stared for an isolated eternity squeezed into a fleeting moment until he met her gaze and she looked away, breaking the eternity and resuming a dull reality.

He was everything to her, and that was frightening. To trust, so freely, another human being was maddening when she knew the ending to every story lay in abandonment, in heartache, in pain, in solitude. She had experienced it. She had felt the sting of misplaced trust, but for now she pushed those feelings aside into the dark most corners of her mind.

For now, she was infatuated with a boy. A boy who made her laugh until she couldn’t breath, who made her cry because she knew he would leave. A boy whose words crept into every corner of her mind and drove her mad. A boy whose flaws shaped and molded a new definition of perfection in her eyes. And to her, he was a sunrise, promising to shed a new light onto her existence. The light that would keep her afloat until the nightfall when she would be plunged back into darkness darker than anything she could remember from before he came into her world.

She memorized the movement of his hands when he talked and the freckles that dotted his face. She knew his crooked smile and the color of his eyes. She knew him, and she was caught. Caught in his game of cruel consideration that threatened to sweep over her like a wave and pull her under and as he glanced away from her, she looked back at him.


In response to the Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Connect the Dots“.

Open your nearest book to page 82. Take the third full sentence on the page, and work it into a post somehow.

In Bright Lights Live Dark Minds

In these bright lights live darkened minds,
They leave their black flowers behind.
Protruding ribs meet collar bones,
Storm clouds reside inside my lungs.

Paper cheeks and cold stone eyes,
The telltale signs we cannot hide.
The boys whose names have been left out,
The lies that fell from open mouths.

Spider webs like battle scars,
Shoot loving daggers through the heart.
Beauty takes a leap of faith,
In hopeless search for fresh escape.

I am drawn to that which seems,
Will be the certain death of me.

Hannah Haynes